12 ways to start a conversation with a stranger (and not get left on “seen”)

Meeting a stranger online is like walking into a party where you don't know anyone: the first sentence is the hardest. The good news is that you don't need to be brilliant or funny. A good opener only needs to be easy to answer and to give the other person a reason to keep talking.

Why “hi” usually isn't enough

“Hi”, “hello”, “anyone there?” are all polite, but they hand the whole job of finding a topic to the other person. They have to wonder what to say next, and many take the easy way out and leave. Say hello, but add a question or a small detail.

12 easy openers

1. Ask about right now. “Hi! What keeps you up at this hour?” Everyone has an answer, and it opens a whole story.
2. Ask where they're from, lightly. “North, centre or south?” is enough to start without getting too personal.
3. Share something small first. “Just had the best bowl of phở all week. Have you eaten yet?” When you open up first, it's easier for the other person to do the same.
4. Either-or questions. “Coffee or bubble tea?”, “Beach or mountains?” The answer takes a second; the reason behind it takes much longer.
5. Music. “What have you been listening to lately?” It's a safe topic and an easy place to find something in common.
6. Films and series. “Anything worth watching this weekend?”
7. A “what if” question. “If you had a week off, where would you go?”
8. Ask for an opinion. “I can't decide between learning English or Korean. What do you think?” People like being asked what they think.
9. The weather, but specific. Not “nice weather, huh” but “Is Hanoi cold yet? Saigon is still 33 degrees.”
10. A genuine compliment on their nickname. “Love your nickname. Does it mean something?”
11. A little funny story from your day. The tale of your cat knocking over a glass of water works better than you'd think.
12. Be honest. “I'm a bit bored, so I came here to talk to someone. You?” Honesty tends to get honesty back.

Keeping the conversation going

• Ask open questions. Questions starting with “why”, “how” or “tell me about” give people more room than yes/no questions.
• Listen, then build on the answer. If they say they're learning to draw, ask about the last thing they drew.
• Don't interrogate. Three questions in a row without sharing anything about yourself feels like a job interview.
• Accept their pace. Some people reply briefly because they're busy or shy. Give them time.

Things to avoid

• Asking for a phone number, Facebook or address right away.
• Commenting on looks or sending sensitive content without being asked.
• Sending message after message when the other person hasn't replied.

And if the conversation just doesn't click? That's fine. Leave politely and look for someone new. On Người Lạ Ơi, two people who've already met won't be randomly matched again, so next time you'll meet someone completely new.